Robots

The other day I looked around and noticed that everyone on the train had one goal. And that goal was to get to work and go back home. There has GOT TO BE more to life than just working. Life is too short and MOST of the time, we don’t realize that. We don’t have time! Life is about friendships, building relationships, loving people, going out and seeing the world for what it is. Let’s break out of this cycle that were just here to work and die.  People don’t even smile at each other anymore. We are so conditioned and I think “Survival of The Fittest,” has contributed to the way we live today. Everyone is looking out for themselves. I was born in 92′ but I feel like there was a time where people actually looked out for each other – crazy, right? Let’s live for today, tomorrow, and for each other.

Love.

Merry X-mas

I remember when I was a boy …. Christmas was always my favorite holiday. Of course I looked forward to all of the cool things my parents were going to buy me … Along with all the food and family fun. This Christmas felt different. It felt odd. Maybe it’s because my mom isn’t situated. My mom has AlWAYS tried her best for us and she continues to do it. Today I saw her off as we went different directions on the train. We smiled at each other. I don’t know what she was thinking but I know what I was. My you’re so strong and I’m sorry for everything you’re going through. I’m sorry that even though I graduated school, I can’t really do much for you. You deserve it all momma. On this train ride home I did nothing but think about what she was thinking when we went our separate ways. I KNOW she’s proud of me… I am her baby boy. I know she worries about me so much because I don’t express my problems much. I wear this superman Cam Newton smile but I’m tearing down deep down inside. You guys know that I’m going through a heartbreak and it’s my first Christmas without her … Her birthday is tomorrow. I wish things were different.
Love

Big bro

Big bro,

It’s been years since we slept under the same roof. For after all the shit that we been through that forced it to be that way. I guess it was meant to be that way but. Let me explain how much you mean to me. You probably look up to me because I graduated high school and you didn’t. I graduated college and you didn’t  but I am the one looking up to you. But You see, you mean more to me than other kind of achievement.   Our childhood is something that I miss dearly … Those were the best years our lives, no lie. I guess I’m just expressing all this cause I’m high.

Depression is a Trip

You stay alive you stupid asshole Because you haven’t been excused… –Tony Hoagland, from “Suicide Song“   Depression is a wildly confusing, exhausting trip to someplace you didn’t actually ever intend to go. Let’s say you set out for Austria, had in mind a little singing on mountaintops like in The Sound of Music, and […]

https://thegloriasirens.wordpress.com/2015/11/11/depression-is-a-trip/

Where did the LOVE go?

I warned you this day would happen….. the day you would want me back and I wasn’t having it. Cause see, I wanted you for so long but “you needed time” and I had to swallow that pill. Writing you text messages about how I feel hoping that this is just a phase for you, but you ignored it and I wouldn’t get a text back until Days from you. I told you I missed you, you said you miss me too, SO how come you act like I’m nothing to you? We were perfectly in sync. The first day I laid eyes on you, I told myself that you are the one! And I was right, so what’s wrong? For 2 years we were side by side and now we just graduated, I sense a huge divide. Cause we are separated now and it feels like for good. I feel stupid looking at these pictures and thinking optimistic that everything is ‘gone be okay.’ That’s what the pirate said in captain phillips when we watched it that night and ‘everything gon be okay’ became our little saying. Why isn’t everything okay? I cry every night wishing we were okay. I mean are you okay? It seems like it. I’m not. The day we broke up you looked me in my eyes and told me that I didn’t need you. That hurt my soul because I needed you. You told me that I am strong, what’s that supposed to mean? That you’ve already made your decision and I have to get over you? How could you be so sure that this is the right things to do after all we been through? What am I supposed to tell mommy? I’m sure she knows because I told my sister but I think she’s scared to ask me because she knows deep down I’m going through it. I watched her catch an anxiety attack the other day and I wanted to call you. BUT FOR WHAT SO YOU CAN FAKE CARE AND ACT LIKE YOU’RE THERE BUT YOU AREN’T …. and that’s why I didn’t. From birthday parties to funerals, I was there with you. When you were going through things, I was there with you. BUT NOW I AM GOING THROUGH IT AND YOU’RE NOT HERE WITH ME. I wanted to end it at that but there’s just too much on my mind. Sometimes I think that you don’t deserve me as crazy as that may sound. I gave you everything, literally everything. On valentine’s day this year you ripped the card you made for me-that was heartless. Now this- it seems like you’re just a cold person and as much I don’t want to believe it maybe that’s what it is. Maybe you are really depressed like you said but I don’t know. You don’t call, you don’t text, you confide in other people. Remember you used to confide in me? For a while I was the only person you talked to but since we are back home you have your friends back. Was this all just a phase? Some sort of convenience? Going to a 4-year university and basically living together with nothing to worry about. THEN life happened, we have to work, we have to figure out what we’re gonna do in life … but why couldn’t we do that together? Why did you just quit on me? I don’t know, I guess time will tell.

LOVE.

  

The Hike

I thought about this concept “The Hike” a couple weeks back. I posted a picture on Instagram of me hiking in New Zealand and something about it hit me. I am at a time in my life where I am just beginning ‘The Hike.’ I recently graduated from a 4-year university but the unknown is in front of me. The anticipation of reaching the peak of the mountain is there, however, I do not know what to expect. See, before you go hiking, you do everything in your power to be prepared for those obstacles you will face during the hike- but you cannot foresee what you will come across unless you’ve hiked that mountain before. This mountain is new to me.